Ladies and Gentlemen:
Boys and Girls:
Welcome to “The Maddest Show on Earth.” You are about to see some of the most spectacular feats of hostile action that have ever been performed on stage. Tonight’s performance entitled “Obedient Awesome” promises a shocking evening of unforgettable entertainment. Witness our main attraction, ” The Ringmaster of Rage” direct sensational acts of meanful cruelty that will take your breath away. As your senses come alive from such mayhem, do not be fooled by his court jester disguise. If you trust him today, you do so at your own risk.
Please note that the ghastly scenes that you have chosen to witness tonight are no illusion. Trust your very eyes when unsuspecting volunteers build our “Ringmaster” a border wall live on stage. Be assured that you will be bamboozled at the “edge of your seats” as our participants undergo waterboarding torture onstage to reveal their most embarrassing secrets. Many of you will scream as our unwitting victims stand motionless as our angry host orders his loyal son to aim his beloved handgun at each of them for target practice amusement. You will feel chills upon hearing again the famous phrase, “Get um outta here.” Feverish boos and catcalls will rise throughout the theater as our tyrannical taskmaster orders his followers to pose as “bouncers” to remove any disbelievers in the audience from the venue.
As you await tonight’s performance, enjoy the challenge of matching wits with our raging star as he prowls the audience to find easy victims for his masterful performance. Avoid his ominous stare as he passes by your seat. Refrain from any urge to take notice when he attempts to insult nearby families. Do not dare laugh at his crude jokes of derision.
I would urge you to purchase a personalized memento of tonight’s “hellish”experience in the gift shop and check out our artist’s top selling book, ” The Art Of Playing The Fool.” You can also enjoy his reality star presence online as he takes twice daily “potshots” at your favorite celebrities on Twitter. Note that bookings for live performances will be limited this summer as our circus hero leisurely unwinds by playing golf on weekends.